Crawford to quit Kings! (t3)

Ok, this just came in from my special source in Hollywood. Kings Head Coach Marc Crawford is tired of hockey. He is playing Batman in the next sequel - "Joker revenges...again"

His haircutter statement was, that the main reason is financial. "The money," she says. There have also been speculations about a new hockey related movie and Mike could play the star role of a Kings first center.
"He has already won the Stanley cup as a coach, now he wants to win it as a player, too," said one of the movie producers.

One of my trusted assistants asked his elementary school teacher for an opinion and she gave a really interesting answer... apparently Mike Crawford has always thought he could fly!

Mike Crawford, we wish you plenty of luck with your new career!

Johnson to Manchester (t3)

Kings rookie Jack Johnson might be sent down to gather more confidence playing against weaker competition.

One of the nicer ladies, cleaning toilets at Staples Center, told me this story, which was later further confirmed by some of my finest sources. Apparently Dean Lombardi was very disappointed after Johnson failed to score at least one hat-trick in London or at least break a bone or two. Two games are more than enough for a 20-year old rookie to prove his improvement, so he might get a couple of late dinners with Dan Cloutier, before returning to LA.

Lubo centering second line? (t3)

My sources are telling me, that Kings coach Crawford is not happy with effect Handzus and Armstrong showed on their lines. Also, the extremist branch of Kings organization is not happy with having Visnovsky in defence. They feel he might do better somewhere else.

The natural solution to both problems is, of course, to put Visnovsky on second line and try playing Handzus with Blake. I mean, who would have an under 6 feet defenceman on their first pairing, come on! It looks very logical move to me, especially after similar experiment with Brian Boyle.

No clear winner in NHL vs. MSG war

MSG, owner of the New York Rangers, sues NHL, because of their monopolizing tendencies. New York Rangers would get fined $100 000 each day, if they wouldn't stop selling their promotional material under the table. The league would also like to get full control over their web site.

Now this might look rough, but my sources, close to NHL and Rangers, are telling me, that both parties are close to an agreement. NHL will get full access to their web site, but Rangers will still be able to host a couple of flash games for owner's nephews on the site, at least "Robot Commander IV" and "The Squirrels".

The negotiations regarding promo material were much tougher. Rangers will still be able to control 4 of their top selling products, male thongs printed with pictures of Sean Avery, Jaromir Jagr, Scott Gomez and Chris Drury respectively. NHL gets everything else. It's hard to believe that male thongs, weighting only 10 grams, would be selling that good in New York, but I guess Sean Avery has some of his magic left.

Kings trading for a goalie

A couple of top secret heavy insiders are reporting that Kings might be trying to trade for a goalie, for the first time this off-season. Lombardi's gardener told me, that he overheard a conversation between Kings GM and his wife:
- Dean, have you tried to trade for a goalie, honey?
- No, damn! I knew I forgot something!

My sources are telling me, that Lombardi asked for Jaro Halak (t2), Martin Gerber (t4) and Curtis Joseph (t3), while his wife was preparing a dinner.

Who might be on his way out? One of the Kings coaches emailed me a note, that one of the recent summer additions to the Kings really misses his mistress from the city he played in last season and has therefore requested a trade back. I'm not mentioning any names, do your math.

Kings Starting Goalie (t5)

With hours being left before the first NHL game of the season 07/08, analysts from all over the planet have been guessing which goalie will be starting for the Kings. Potvin, Hasek and Gerber are in my opinion amongst most probable out of the recently published article in SI: "List of 50 most probable Kings starting goalies."

However, my sources (close to Crawford) are saying, that Kings rookie goaltender Jonathan Bernier will almost certainly be the starting goalie. If you want to bet, go ahead, and don't forget, where you heard it first.

Niedermayer's Retirement

My sources from the Disneytown told me an amazing piece of information regarding Scott's retirement. Apparently one of the best defencemen in the league has only one condition for another year in Ducks uniform - Getzlaf to become a vegetarian. Ducks head animator and cartoonist Heshley Quakson told me about the incidents both players were having for the whole season. Niedermayer had been complaining frequently about Getzlaf having bad breath during the games. The heavy steak smell was driving him crazy and farting between the periods was making the things only worse.

Getzlaf has already made clear he can't quit steakes, but is willing to eat cereals on matchdays.